Dear people that brush your teeth in the bathroom at work: stop that. You don’t live here. Chew gum like the rest of us.
if HBO wants me to watch a Game Of Thrones spin off I want a personal apology for season 8. 12 pt font, double spaced, no funny business on the margins
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Me: A problem shared is half solved.
Invigilator: sit in the front.
I want this election to be over so badly you’d think it was a friend’s play.
Pig: will we be friends forever?
Winnie the bear: no
Pig: friends until we die?
Winnie the bear: friends until I learn how to make sausages
If it weren’t for dating sites, I’d still have some self-esteem. Thank God, it’s all gone now.
Earthworms: yes yes yes the prophecy is happening again, we will surface to the top and march on the sidewalk for no reason yes
My preferred mode of travel is sock sliding.
The stickier the better.
best sunscreen ever… Xbox 360
me: they know me here
date: *reading sign on wall* “No Puppetry”?
me (proudly): I’m the reason they have that