@arwenlothbrok

If he refuses to let you call him your cutie pie sweet potato biscuit buttering love muffin… he’s not that into you.

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@crunchenhanced

Florida mom delivers 14-pound baby after surprise pregnancy .

Florida?? NO PART of this story surprises me.

@SteevUmc

The best things in life are free.

Stealing is awesome.

@blade_funner

ME: *flipping over a saltine like a Tarot card* Oh that’s not good.

@PinkCamoTO

Turns out inside one of the IKEA sofa boxes was actually a marriage counselor.

@NYC_Blonde

I only sleep with my laptop so that if I ever get a boyfriend I’ll be used to sharing the bed

@Home_Halfway

I once went to a party with 10% battery life on my phone so you can shut the hell up about your “scary” battle at Normandy, grandpa.

@Browtweaten

*Emerging from a ten year coma*

Dad: Well look who finally got up

@suecorvette

me: I think there may have been a mixup at the hospital. this isn’t my baby

him: mom I’m 35 years old

@GlennyRodge

The first rule of Hide a Vegetable in a Sentence Club is always be true to yourself.