Enviromentalists: How can we stop the rising oceans?
Me (understands displacement but not enviromentalism): Pull all those big whales out.
If hockey comes back this season we should be allowed to appoint one single fan to watch the games who’s only job is to shout “shoot!” on the power-play and occasionally bang on the glass.
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If insanity is doing the same thing over & over and expecting different results, I must be sane cause I don’t even like doing things once.
You can buy my cassette series “Yelling : Greatest Hits”
Including classics such as:
– What the Hell?
– What the heck? (Radio edit)
– Oh come on!
And the chart topping hit:
– Yo…hey yo! Over here! No, over here to your left!
when i tell guys i want a baby i just assume they kno i don’t mean a human one. i want a baby antelope, a baby hedgehog, a baby lizard
My husband calls me Sugar and my dog’s name is Sugar so when he says, “C’mere Sugar” there’s an awkward stare down between me and the dog.
“Tell me where the money is or else I kill the girl”
-just to be clear, if I don’t tell you she dies but I get to live right?
When I say I’m as sober as a judge I mean Paula Abdul.
Finals come around and now you like the library?
Name 3 of their songs
Lunch is the best thing that’s happened to me since breakfast.
I’m starting to think my wife is only having sex with me to improve her FitBit stats.