@Xalqee: "If I act like I'm asleep he'll leave, If I act like I'm asleep he'll leave, if I act like I'm asleep he'll leave" - Me getting pulled over
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@Naked_Superman: It's the embarrassment, not the blunt force trauma that kills you when you're hit by a Smart car.
@sofarrsogud: [Takes out scrunchie and shakes out my slicked back ponytail] Take the mugshot again.
@llvvzz: Identity theft is the most diabolical way someone can compliment you on doing a good job at life.