The homework is due on Monday.
“Can I get an extension?”
The homework is due on Monday.png
If I ask you how your weekend was, don’t reply with “not long enough.” Don’t be that guy. I will reply with “that’s what she said.”
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bathroom attendant: *gives me soap and paper towels*
bathroom attendant: *gestures at basket with dollar bills*
me: oh right *takes $3* thanks!
“This place couldn’t possibly get any messier!”
TODDLER: “Hold my bear.”
My 4yo just shut the bathroom door on me while I was inside and told me I was in jail. So I locked the door. I love this game.
How to get a girl to like you:
1. Become a lion tamer
2. Release a lion on her
3. Tame it right before it kills her
4. Take her to Chili’s?
do you qualify to be my crush? *pulls out list* *checks off has a beating heart* yup you qualify
I never question my sanity, I’m afraid it will answer back.
GENIE: you have three wishes
ME: wow ok gimme a second
GENIE: sure if that’s your wish
ME: be quiet
At a red light:
Me: *turns to face car next to me*
*rolls down window*
Me: *loudly sings song*
G: *panicked look*
I keep hearing about kids accidentally dying from trying to get an asphyxiation high.
What happened to drugs, kids?! We still have drugs!