@heatherlou_: If I could teach my kid anything it would be do not attempt to lay on my face. Give me my personal space please, tiny leech.
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@Home_Halfway: I forgot the name for a beaver the other day so I referred to them as "architect squirrels."
@RocketRankoon: I saw a pigeon walking alone today. I was like you and me both buddy then he met up with his friends and I was like TRAITOR!
@stevevsninjas: Cop: please step out of the car Me: *pulling away* suck it, cop! Roller coaster operator: he'll be back in 2 min 24 seconds