Five chickens leave Topeka traveling west at 25 mph. Please help me find them chickens. Those are my chickens.
If I did one of those wine and paint nights the instructor would be like wow look at you, you are really good at wine.
You Might Also Like
Left my fiancé at the altar. The relationship is over, but the human sacrifice went perfectly
Me: I can’t eat another bite.
Also me: *whimsically eats entire spongebob ice cream cake*
“You stand accused of 3 counts of first degree murder.”
“Look, I’m a lot of things–”
“Are you a murderer?”
[bites lower lip]
I like to finish my pelvic exam by asking the doctor ‘hey, where’d your watch go?’
[toddler birthday party]
Stranger: my child is 36 months old. how old is yours?
Me: hey babe, I hurt my toe in the bouncy house. can you drive to the ER so I can eat my cake?
Wife: -432 months.
[emergency dentist appointment]
dentist: what seems to be the problem?
me: my teeth [turns to nurse] is this guy new?
A cop just yelled at me and took away my glow sticks. That’s the last time I go to a search party.
50% off moms tomorrow!