I’ve never seen anyone go through drug withdrawals, but I once hid my son’s iPad for 10 minutes.
If I don’t introduce you to the person I’m with it’s because I don’t remember either of your names.
You Might Also Like
Here in the UK
we refer to Jay Z as “Jay Zed”
Ice T as “Ice Ted”
And LL Cool J as “Led Led Cool Jed”
*First guy to make bunk beds
Hey Jim, you wanna sleep on top of me but not like on top, on top
Me: *doesn’t get enough sleep, takes an afternoon nap to make up for it*
My body: well look what you did now we have to stay awake until 3
My coworkers think I’m always busy but I’m really just trying to remember my password.
Remember all those hair-ties and Bobby pins you lost? Well, I found all 5,000 while moving.
good morning to everyone but especially to the woman in the dunkin donuts who smashed two glazed donuts together and ate them like a sandwich
If someone walks in on you hatching your evil plan, just tell them you were rubbing in some hand moisturizer.
I don’t think it’s rude to ask someone in an online dating site to send a picture posing with a copy of today’s newspaper.