There is no doubt in my mind, I would trade my ovaries for another liver.
If I don’t introduce you to the person I’m with it’s because I don’t remember either of your names.
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I’m gonna go my whole life without knowing my blood type I swear to god. like I’m gonna end up in an ambulance one day and the paramedic’s gonna ask me what my blood type is and my dumbass is gonna be like “idk lol red”
Make friends with an enemy today. Hug them. Caress their cheek. Lick their eyeball. Cough directly into their mouth.
Just saw a girl wearing a “BAD GAL” t-shirt so I yelled “NO!” & smacked her on the nose with a rolled up newspaper.
Having a crush on someone is so exciting. You know you’ll end up ruining things like you always do, but how? The possibilities are endless.
The clowns I hire always seem surprised to find I’m the only party guest.
If the Zombie Apocolypse doesn’t start out like the dance portion of the Thriller video I’m going to be so pissed.
Hey Febreze, I don’t go around with garbage in my car, but if nobody could tell I just smoked a joint in there, I might buy some.
Whenever my husband “puts something away” I’m always suspect. I mean, it’s not as if he really knows where anything goes.
Never related to something so much.