@piplips: If I don't introduce you to the person I'm with it's because I don't remember either of your names.
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@TheMichaelRock: All I did was compliment a coworker on their fantastic mustache, and now I'm in HR's office. Thanks a lot, Megan!
@HatfieldAnne: I appreciate your confidence in me, but it appears your “foolproof” chicken recipe is merely “fool resistant.”
@PleaseBeGneiss: [house hunting] ME: I can see us settling down here REALTOR: oh you have a family? ME: *taking realtor’s hand* not yet