Could reporters stop asking if political leaders “believe” in climate change and start asking if they understand it instead
You Might Also Like
Putting honey on a bee sting is so strange.
You hurt me?!!
I’LL SMEAR MY WOUND WITH THE EXCREMENT OF YOUR ANCESTORS!!
I feel like Trump and Hillary are two divorced parents fighting over custody of us but we kinda just wanna go live with grandma.
Due to Corona, we officially have three days of the week
1. Yesterday
2. Today
3. Tomorrow
The word “Caesar” has always bothered me. It looks like a and e are mad at each other.
As I was getting into bed she said: You’re drunk.
I said, how do you know?
She said, You live next door.
TOUCH NOT MY PONDERING CRYSTAL
mfs take one picture in a suit then start posting quotes about success, just go to the wedding bro
Wipes away your tears using three precise karate chops.
What kind of monster makes ultrathin cheese slices?
Homosexuality is found in over 450 species. Homophobia is only found in two. Help us get rid of the Ecuadorian fag-hating spider 🙁
wife: im pregnant
me: what? im not ready to be a mother we still have petty arguments
wife: im the mother
me: this is what I’m talking about
white cavewoman naming her child “oog” but it’s spelled “eauxgh”
[Sloth Job Interview]
Sloth Boss: How would you describe yourself?
*2 hours later*
Sloth Interviewee: Quick-thinking.
In space, no one can hear…
they advertised mcmuffins for only a buck
Me, scrolling to find my birth year
doctor: you fell 5 feet and hit your head. you might have some brain damage
me: did i break my legs?
doctor: it was only 5 feet
me: and they’re ALL broken?!
[job interview]
“So why do you want to be a jeweler?”ME(thinking about using that eye thing to appraise chicken nuggets): I love rubies
Dentist: Have you been flossing?
Attorney: *covers mic* You don’t have to answer that
[napping on couch]
Son: wanna play cops and robbers?
Me: ok i’ll be the cops.
Son: you have to chase me.
Me: I can’t.
Son: why not?
Me: i’m waiting on a judge to sign your warrant.
Son: oh.
Me: [eyes still closed] I’ll let you know when it comes in.
Me: What sound do dogs make?
3-year-old: Woof woof.
Me: Horses?
3: Neigh.
Me: Pigs?
3: Sizzle sizzle.
Somebody understands bacon.
I’m flying to my 30th high school reunion and I think I forgot to turn my stove off and also to be successful
“The 27 Worst Things About Going To Stock Photo University” – something I made years ago and I just found it archived, and I’m pasting it here in a thread
Exes really text you out of nowhere like bro didn’t you cheat on me
Beastie Boys: What’s the time? It’s time to get ill!
Audience: *simultaneously eats a bunch of raw hamburger*
B Boys: not like that
Out of curiosity I decided to look at Pinterest, and I’ve decided it’s basically cyber-hoarding…
Me: there’s no “u” in team
Canadian: we’ll see about that bud
Rey: Why do you hide behind a mask?
Kylo Ren: *takes off his mask to reveal his real face*
Rey: Wow. Put the mask back on.
replying “so true bestie” every time a man tells me i’m pretty
Someone forgot to tell my body that calories after midnight don’t count