She wears short skirts
I eat pizza
She’s cheer captain
And I’m still eating pizza
If I had a bitcoin for every time someone tried to explain bitcoins to me I’d have a lot of bitcoins, and no idea what to do with them.
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If a Facebook video says “you won’t believe what happens next” then I replace “believe” with “care”
Why Can’t I Find Out Anything About This Superb Owl #superbowl
Who called them “priests” instead of “weapons of mass instruction”?
What Did I Just Touch and Why is It Wet!?
A Parenting Story
Yelp is a fun game where you try to guess between whether a restaurant is bad or a reviewer is crazy.
I DON’T WANT YOUR PITY but I’ll take it.
frodo: [doesnt know how to get to mordor, doesnt know how to fight, doesnt know who he should actually trust] i need to do this alone
There should be a morning after pill for Supreme Court decisions.
“sir we don’t hire people to be mannequins”
Me:*strikes mannequin pose*
“No, sir we don-”
[under breath] “damn this guys good”