@lilgapeach30

If I had a dollar for every time I heard “grow up!” I could buy a seriously awesome security system to keep doody heads out of my fort.

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@Mike_Bianchi

Have the people who designed wine glasses ever washed dishes in their lives?

@onlxn

hm, feeling a little stiff today. must be from all that (into megaphone) HIKING

@PleaseBeGneiss

NASA: we’re sending astronauts back to the moon

Me: good, return them to their natural habitat

@OhNoSheTwitnt

They should punish kids who do well in school with more homework to prepare them for what happens to people who are efficient at their jobs.

@Douchekevin

Don’t mix your medication with alcohol she said and we laughed and laughed and laughed & then took turns operating operating heavy machinery