@Dustinkcouch: If I had a million dollars for every time I looked at the negative side of things, I'd have way too many god damn taxes to pay.
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@fuzzlime: sometimes when I finish eating a bag of microwave popcorn I try to eat a couple unpopped kernels just to convince myself it's really over
@ShortSleeveSuit: Me [proudly]: This is my son. He's 10, a fine artist & great at math Nurse: That's a garbage can & your morphine drip is still attached
@ReaIRonSwanson: 24 astronauts were born in Ohio. What is it about that state that makes people want to flee the planet?