@kumailn: If I had a time machine I'd go back 10 years and tell myself "Write down the names of all the people you loan stuff to."
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@JohnLyonTweets: I like to walk up to strangers and ask, "Would you take a photo of me?" If they say yes I hand them a photo of me and walk away.
@LostFelicia: My husband reprogrammed my radio stations to country so I pulled over and set the car on fire.
@stevevsninjas: The big phone companies don't want you to know that you can get a free call whenever you want by punching a cop.
@GreyDeLisle: I'll never be as horrified as the kid who suddenly realizes they've been following the wrong "mom butt" at the grocery store.