6yo: I like my hair short and long. I want my hair to be short and long at the same time.
Me: *shows her a picture of a mullet*
6yo: Oh no.
If I had to be in the military I’d probably pick sleeper cell agent cause I get tired a lot
You Might Also Like
Life hack :
Receive a wide assortment of yellow, orange, pink and red envelopes, free of charge, simply by not paying your bills.
Person who doesn’t know I’m on twitter: Have you see
Judging by this line at Costco it doesn’t look like I’ll ever see my family again.
[baby pushes food away as I try feeding it]
Gun people are always like “you can pry it out of my cold dead hands”
Why are you dead in your own story, must not be a very good gun
Wife: We’re putting in a bar.
W: Go ahead, say it.
Me: WE’RE GONNA NEED A STOOL SAMPLE.
I would describe the cologne on the guy who was just in the elevator with me as “all of it.”
I just wish God hadn’t hidden all of my talents so well.
I get the feeling some of you have been told by others of you not to talk to me. This means war.