I once dated a dentist. He had a tiny round mirror on the ceiling over his bed.
If I have learned anything in life it’s don’t throw away your fat clothes
You Might Also Like
A robot steals your job. It hurts, but that’s how the economy works. Nothing personal. The robot starts texting your wife.
Q: What day does an Easter egg hate the most?
A: Good Fry-day.
#GoodFriday #RubbishJokes #Puns #DadJokes
Me: sorry I can’t make it to your party tonight but I’m kinda popular & I can’t jeopardise that by being seen with you..
Daughter: wtf dad?
United Airlines just tried to charge me $25 for the bags under my eyes.
*winning a goldfish at a carnival*
I shall take my small prisoner and be on my way.
You sell yourself for retweets, you are a prostitweet.
Sorry Windows. The only thing a “strong” password will do is lock me out of my own computer when drunk. 1234 it is.