If I have learned anything in life it’s don’t throw away your fat clothes

You Might Also Like


I once dated a dentist. He had a tiny round mirror on the ceiling over his bed.




A robot steals your job. It hurts, but that’s how the economy works. Nothing personal. The robot starts texting your wife.


Q: What day does an Easter egg hate the most?
A: Good Fry-day.

#GoodFriday #RubbishJokes #Puns #DadJokes


Me: sorry I can’t make it to your party tonight but I’m kinda popular & I can’t jeopardise that by being seen with you..

Daughter: wtf dad?


*winning a goldfish at a carnival*
I shall take my small prisoner and be on my way.


You sell yourself for retweets, you are a prostitweet.


Sorry Windows. The only thing a “strong” password will do is lock me out of my own computer when drunk. 1234 it is.