If I like my job am I a “gruntled” employee??

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This day in history. 1963. The Beach Boys released “Be True to Your School” but I wasn’t taking orders from 5 guys who shared 1 surfboard.


Those “free hugs” people sure do get upset when you ask them what $20 will get you.


doctor: your wife has gone into labour

me: oh no

wife (yelling from a distance): RAISE THE MINIMUM WAGE


Truth: My 85yr old grandmother’s answering machine says, “I’ll call you back when I want to, if I want to.”

Heroes are all around us.


[Writing Batman theme]
WRITER: So it starts by saying “Batman.”
PRODUCER: Well that makes sense, just once?
WRITER: 23 times.
WRITER: Then you just make noise for awhile.
WRITER: Then you say Batman again.


Life hack:

Do all the dishes after your kids go to bed so you can have clean silverware for the first 47 minutes of the next day.


Hi, is your resort child friendly?

Yes it is sir. Would you like to make a reservation?

*hangs up


Wife: “Notice anything?”

Me: “Is it your hair, shoes, dress, eyelashes, mascara, lipstick, or nails?”

Wife: “You forgot to wear pants.”


Being a DJ is tough because sometimes iTunes won’t open.