What happens when Batman sees Catwoman? “the Dark Knight Rises”
If I refer to myself as, “sauced up,” it probably just means I have honey, BBQ and ranch to dip my nuggets in.
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Remember, you can disappear in an overgrown greenhouse whenever you want. You’re an adult.
Me: what are ya in for?
Cell mate: Cannibalism. You?
Me: I licked ice cream at the store and put it back in the freezer
Cell mate: wtf man that’s sick
I like to sit in the hotel hot tub with a bunch of potatoes, peas & carrots. I introduce myself as Stew.
“Dude go make the first move on her!”
“Okay fine, but I’m not too sure what I’m doing.”
“Knight to f3”
……… you have my attention
i’d like to drink my problems away but my kids don’t fit in the shot glass
[grocery store with 2yo]
Cashier: your son is so cute. What do you want to have next?
Me: a vasectomy