If I see someone stumble, catch themselves, & madly start looking about to see if anyone saw, I always make sure I make direct eye contact.
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Whoever thought up the spelling of the word “queue” is stueuepid.
The government should pay for everyone to get massages on November 9th.
My Dad is recovering from an operation. Mum went out and left a door slightly ajar.
My parents do not have a cat.
“You’re bleeding because you don’t floss”
Me: No, I’m bleeding because I ate the entire bowl of deceivingly fake fruit in your waiting room.
Westboro Baptist Church Founder Fred Phelps Dies At 84.Who wants to protest a funeral?
Boss: Are you sleeping?!
Me: Well I *was*.
What would Jesus do? Today, take Mary out to Olive Garden.
Lawyer: And your opinion?
Cat: No question-a dog pushed the fish bowl over & ate the goldfish
Dog Defendant: Are you KIDDING me with this?!’
When our children are on their own and off our medical insurance, we’re going to take that extra money and buy Fiji.