I really hope the Tesla board doesn’t force out Elon Musk because that it 100% how we get a Green Goblin scenario
If I see someone stumble, catch themselves, & madly start looking about to see if anyone saw, I always make sure I make direct eye contact.
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“This place couldn’t possibly get any messier!”
TODDLER: “Hold my bear.”
Autocorrect got me in trouble again when I invited the neighbors over for a friendly game of Go Fist.
friend: so, things are going well?
Girlfriend: he’s so sweet
[she looks out the window to see me reaching down to pluck a flower]
Girlfriend: but sometimes I just-
[she looks back to see me, eating the flower I just pulled and inspecting another]
be careful if you wear the same clothes everyday you’ll turn into a cartoon character
Black Friday deals but at the pharmacy
When you’re naked on the bed with the curtains open and the window cleaner comes.
Meth addicts gets all their drug money from the tooth fairy.
We’re going to build a great wall to keep the inspirational tweets out.
And Facebook is going to pay for it.
Make Twitter Great Again.
Interviewer: how competitive are you?
Me: not very
Interviewer: neither am I
Me: nice…but I’m less competitive