If I wake and then I bake, I pray The Lord for chocolate cake. Amen.

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It’s like campers and hikers don’t understand that nature will come to you if you just don’t mow the lawn.


“Easy Come, Easy Go” – My clinic name if I ever become a urologist.


if you took every species of rattlesnake in the US and laid them end to end, I would yell at a safe distance, “STOP DOING THAT!”


4 year old twins that dress alike: aww that’s cute

40 year old twins that dress alike: ok knock that shit off it’s kinda creepy.


It would be awesome if the Joker movie ended with Batman yelling “Oh HELL no” off camera and swooping in and just beating the absolute shit out of him.”


Autocorrect changed smell to spell but you know what? Your spelling is horrible too.