@ShrinkMedia

If I wake and then I bake, I pray The Lord for chocolate cake. Amen.

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@Donna_McCoy

It’s like campers and hikers don’t understand that nature will come to you if you just don’t mow the lawn.

@JB4Realz

“Easy Come, Easy Go” – My clinic name if I ever become a urologist.

@SuperJuanderer

if you took every species of rattlesnake in the US and laid them end to end, I would yell at a safe distance, “STOP DOING THAT!”

@AmericanGent69

4 year old twins that dress alike: aww that’s cute

40 year old twins that dress alike: ok knock that shit off it’s kinda creepy.

@kibblesmith

It would be awesome if the Joker movie ended with Batman yelling “Oh HELL no” off camera and swooping in and just beating the absolute shit out of him.”

@LoneWolfStories

Autocorrect changed smell to spell but you know what? Your spelling is horrible too.