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@izrigrod: if i was a bird i'd just ride around on other birds
@T_Bonezzz_: Coworker: I ran 5 miles at the gym this morning
@_4kidscrazy: Me: You know what cures a headache right?
Me: You know what else cures a headache?
Me: You know what else ......
@shutupmikeginn: my idiot dog just ate a box of condom. i was gonna eat those buddy
@NippleAdam: I’m gonna have my body cremated so I can have one last meltdown.
@Dee_Aye_Bee: *getting murdered* First time? *sighs* You'll want to lacerate my abdominal aorta. *sighs, puts hand on the bottom of my ribcage* It's here.