@rmfnord: If I was a ghost, I'd write "Happy Birthday" in blood on your wall for your birthday, cuz you may be cursed, but it's still your birthday.
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@AsgardianRose: The hardest part of being Darth Vader is never being able to sneak up on anyone because your theme music started playing.
@MAB1013: There are two kinds of people in this world; those that roll up cracker/cereal bags inside the box to maintain freshness, and dipshits.
@NathanBgood: He died doing what he loved, waving a metal rod on a rooftop in a storm, yelling FU, GOD! Although he slipped & fell, Ted's memory lives on.
@GriffonTaylonYo: Soldier: WE NEED MORE AMMO QUICK! Me: [sweating bullets] um will these work Soldier: [amazed] you son of a gun