If I was a girl named Isis, I’d be pissed that half the people decided to change my name to Isil.

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Three Doors Down is my favorite band name that describes which bathroom stall you should take when someone else is already there.


Girl in front of me on the bus just sent a text that was like a novel and the response was like a word and now even I’m pissed off about it.


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the boy who cried wolf would be a way cooler story if actual wolves came out of his eyes


Does laundry while drinking

*somehow washes a lampshade


cw: what did you do at the weekend?

me: friends treated me to a bloated birthday meal

cw: I think you mean belated?

m: *recalling the deep-fried pufferfish* I know exactly what I mean


Spaghetti, because you didn’t like that shirt anyways