@Marlebean: If I was a witch, I would curse people to have to poop right after showering
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@MarfSalvador: [Surprise party for girlfriend] Me: *Leading her in blindfolded* GF: Shouldn't I be wearing that?
@therealeatwood: ME: We were doing the spaghetti thing from Lady and the Tramp! Ever heard of romance? MANAGER: Sir, you cannot kiss a dog in my restaurant.
@ASmallFiction: "Where do you get your ideas?" he said. "Same place you do," she said. "No, seriously-" "And I go early so I can take all the best ones."
@fuzzlime: my biggest wish is that someday a bunch of people will say wow money really changed her