No one is as glued to any piece of reading material as a parent counting down the songs in the program of a really boring school concert.
If I wasn’t supposed to have vodka for breakfast they shouldn’t have made it taste so good with orange juice.
You Might Also Like
Some of my best friends started out as bad choices.
Once, just once in my life, I’d love a guy to grab me, pull me in close and whisper
I’m hunting wabbits.
I don’t get why I’m supposed to like someone who’s different in the streets and in the sheets sounds duplicitous just be a freak everywhere.
I just encountered a spider bigger than my desire to be the man of the house.
“I’m in international waters, your damn laws can’t touch me” I scream to the police as I dog paddle naked in my neighbors swimming pool.
Her: Let’s go see 50 Shades of Grey
[After the movie]
Her: OMG that was so hot!
Me: Mom, please just stop talking
Why aren’t there more Christmas songs about revenge?
I child proofed my entire house…
and they still got in