Some people are down to earth while others are not quite far down enough.
If I were a dinosaur, I’d be a swagasaurus.
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Waking on campus and some girl said, “I like you a lot.” And I turned around and said thank you and realized she talking to the guy with her
society: let’s give mothers their very own day
me: what about sharks?
society: we’ll give them a whole week
Are you guys sure common sense can’t be beaten into people ? Because I’d like to give it try!
Facebook post: Sad news. Mom passed away this morning.
Facebook: Be the first person to like this.
Hotel room bathrooms really overestimate how much I want to see my own naked body.
Ok so for next Halloween ill be mozart.
“I’ll be beethoven!”
Yeah okay, calm down sally. So Mr. Terminator who will you be?
“I’LL BE BACH.”
I overheard my daughter asking the little boy next door, “Are you the opposite sex, or am I.”
this cannot be real
Take the road less traveled. Like, the one with the most mud, or the wettest grass, even if there’s a sidewalk nearby.