@favamp

If I were a dinosaur, I’d be a swagasaurus.

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@Westoff123

Waking on campus and some girl said, “I like you a lot.” And I turned around and said thank you and realized she talking to the guy with her

@ClichedOut

society: let’s give mothers their very own day

me: what about sharks?

society: we’ll give them a whole week

@lovemyboots111

Are you guys sure common sense can’t be beaten into people ? Because I’d like to give it try!

@JohnLyonTweets

Facebook post: Sad news. Mom passed away this morning.

Facebook: Be the first person to like this.

@hello_saylor

Hotel room bathrooms really overestimate how much I want to see my own naked body.

@crunkdumpster

Ok so for next Halloween ill be mozart.
“I’ll be beethoven!”
Yeah okay, calm down sally. So Mr. Terminator who will you be?

“I’LL BE BACH.”

@OldSpookMan

I overheard my daughter asking the little boy next door, “Are you the opposite sex, or am I.”

@yenniwhite

Take the road less traveled. Like, the one with the most mud, or the wettest grass, even if there’s a sidewalk nearby.

-Kids