Dearly beloved, we are gathered her today to place bets on how long this marriage will last because these idiots met 2 months ago.
If I were Cinderella, I wouldn’t have settled for a guy who couldn’t even remember what my face looked like.
You Might Also Like
Me: [Walks into kitchen]
[Evil spirit flings open all the cabinet doors]
I still have Pringles?
[An old thermometer breaks scattering mercury beads all over the floor]
“Get out of here, NOW!”
“HAVEN’T U SEEN TERMINATOR 2?”
If you hold a gift card close enough to your ear you can hear the person who bought it saying, “this’ll do”
When you order 20 bananas and end up with 20 *bunches*…
[at a party]
him: are u the guy that starts talking in a british accent when u meet a hot girl
me: what no lol who told u that
him: my bad i got u mixed up with someone else. btw this is my friend rachel
me: ello govna
what everyone’s tl looks like now that we can retweet ourselves
Do you accept Jesus Christ as your lord and saviour?
No, sorry we only accept Visa or MasterCard.