Cop: Anything you say can and will be held against you.
Me: SCARLETT JOHANSSON
If I yell, “Heads up!” I’m clear of all liability at children’s parties.
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[Christina Aguilera begins singing the lyrics ‘You Are Beautiful’ at her concert, notices me in the audience, and abruptly stops]
Try saying “good luck” without sounding sarcastic. Good luck.
I wonder which woman said….. “yep I’m gonna put it in my mouth and see what happens.”
Lucy in the Sky with Some Splainin’ to Do.
There’s an epidemic in Britain that makes vulnerable young women inexplicably attracted to douchebags who miss leg day.
for someone that hates being touched, i sure do have a lot of kids.
Jay said his mother is a lesbian and came out in support of her same-sex relationship. Rap really has grown up
*puts you on pedestal*
*vacuums where you were standing*
*takes you off pedestal*
The doctor asked if I was sexual active.
I shook my head and said “Not in front of the wife”.