@CtotheASS
My mother is my travel agent for guilt trips.
@ieatanddrink
If I’m on a date and can’t think of anything to say I just make it look like I’m busy trying to figure out what a smell on my fingers is
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@CtotheASS
@ricsem
I wouldn’t want to fly Virgin. Who’d want to fly an airline that doesn’t go all the way?
@iamspacegirl
Me *writing*: she was like 12 slices of key lime pie in a dress- tart, cool, totally whipped.
Her: I can hear you.
Me: she could hear me
@Cheeseboy22
I like to sneak a donut into the salad bar so everyone will ask, “WAIT, THERE’S DONUTS?” and I say, “Sorry, last one!” and then eat it.
@TrueTorontoGirl
My lighter has 2 options:
1. Nope
2. Flamethrower
@Love_bug1016
Nothing says you’re failing as an Asian like your waiter discreetly handing you training chopsticks.
@Mr_Mike_Clarke
Improve your DVD collection by simply attaching googly eyes!
@OrdinaryAlso
“We’re promoting you to Anchor”
Reporters: 🙂
Sailors: 🙁
@Dre_77_
Worst. Cruise. Ever. – Katie Holmes
@gIitering
*gets left on read*
my brain:
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say itme: “it was fun while it lasted”