Satan: welcome to your own hell where…
me: is it hot in here or is it just me 😉
Satan:…everyones a comedian.
me: haha i just like to keep it light.
Satan: no, [gesturing around] EVERYones a comedian.
me: oh god
If I’m wearing the mask here’s how to tell If I’m smiling: I’m not.
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HER: Never use your Elmo voice again
Ok, milk… Check!
Potato salad… Check!
“Sir, can you wait for the total and just write one check please?”
The police get mad at you if you try to marry a squirrel. Even if you’re pretty sure it’s a girl squirrel.
It was the busta rhymes, it was the worsta rhymes
If they served grilled cheese sandwiches at communion, I’d go to church more often.
I’ve been on my best behavior ever since the words “you can be charged as an adult” applied to me
Americans are just Canadians that someone fed after midnight.