If it weren’t for bad decisions, I’d be pretty indecisive.

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What if all the snakes on that plane were emotional support snakes?


Me: Thank you!

Cashier: You have a good one!

Me: That’s the rumor!

Cashier: …


“You’re too drunk, I’m cutting you off”

– Lame
– Boring
– You sound like a dork

“My potions are too strong for you, traveler”

– Awesome
– Conveys the stakes of the situation
– You probably have a sword or maybe a wizard staff
– You gotta leave tho you puked in the tip jar


If Disney movies have taught me anything, it’s that the whole ENTIRE world speaks English. Including animals and inanimate objects.


If the Earth was really flat, all the cats would have pushed everything off it by now.