@AnitaHelmet: If men knew the effect their scent has on women, they'd shower more and fart less.
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@ieatanddrink: Cool prank: Dig up 200 earthworms. I will tell you about the rest of the prank later
@dlockw21: IT: You deleted the OS? Me: I think so. IT: It didn't warn you? Me: Yeah, but it only kinda warned me. What's with the inquisition bro?
@Shut_up_Marissa: CW: How was your weekend? *finds nearest object* "Hello?" CW: Are you talking to a stapler? "I'm sorry, I have to take this."
@SteveAmiri: Fifty Shades of Grey was disappointing. All those blindfolds and not a single person swung at a piñata.