@WarrenHolstein

If Miley Cyrus really wanted to shock us at the VMAs, she’d show up in a burka covered in a snowsuit and slowly add more clothing each hour.

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@13spencer

I’m going back to work tomorrow after the holiday break, which means playing that annual game:

What food is rotting in the office kitchen?

@kyle_thatisall

If your girl says “Hey guess what!” you better already have your super excited blown away face picked out for whatever nonsense comes next.

@MelvinofYork

Russel Crowe is my favorite actor named after a misspelled bird but Ethan Hawke is a close second

@LlamaInaTux

Ski instructor: this is a dangerous sport. One mistake could lead to a broken leg

Horse: I want to go home

@MK_Shenanigans

I forgot FB was not Twitter & posted something ultra dirty.

Now I have to avoid my granndma, change my hair color & leave the state.

@SteveDutzy

FUN PRANK:

Bump into Kanye in public, pretend you don’t recognize him, and say

“EXCUSE ME ORDINARY CITIZEN”

Then watch how mad he gets.

@DaddyJew

Astronaut: *takes a picture of the moon*

Moon: delete it

@HoneyWooWoo

*first date*

Him: You have a very defined jawline.

Me: Thanks! I chew a lot.

@jake_lach

I need to lay off the caffeine. My neighbor keeps complaining that I’m tackling her much more than usual