@JimmerThatisAll: If money can't buy happiness what do you pay a hitman with?
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@pittdave13: First day as a dad When I change its diaper is that when I oil the baby? Also where is the filter and how many quarts does it take?
@garrettbarry70: Wife. "Did you cut the grass?" Me. "Yep" Wife. "But it doesn't look any different!" Me. "I know, we had a lot of rain while you were out"
@dshack8: My wife is so married that she even stopped blowing out the candles on her birthday cake cause she doesn't want me gettin' any ideas.