“Wanna hear a joke?”
“What’s the difference between a toilet and a fridge?”
“I don’t know,”
‘If more than one mouse is mice,
then more than one Spouse is Spice.’
You Might Also Like
Marriage is alright if you like someone coming home and telling you about their day in the middle of your movie
Captcha: Click on every photo of a real tunnel
Wile E Coyote: oh no
Twitter…because if it can’t be described in 140 characters or less, did it really ever happen?
Spice up any Facebook comment with random quotation marks.
“Congrats” on your baby.
Congrats on “your” baby.
Congrats on your “baby”.
*braids your voodoo doll’s hair
Me: HAHAHAHA! She will wake up and be like “who braided my hair” HAHAHAHA
All I’m saying is never ask a bald man if he remembers something off the top of his head.
KIDNAPPER 1: Is he responding to the truth serum?
KIDNAPPER 2: *Walking out of room I was in, clearly emotionally exhausted* He has… just so many Harry Potter theories.
Today I gave an iPhone and $500 to a homeless guy. You will never know the happiness I felt when he put his gun away
Frozen II begins with what every child wants to see: 7 minutes of complicated mythological exposition