The Katy Perry song that goes, “You’re hot and you’re cold,” was actually about a microwaveable burrito.
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“911, what’s the emergency?”
we were robbed. they stole the wireless router
also they shot my grandma or something. not sure
I put JIF Peanut butter in the mousetraps and although I didn’t catch any mice I did manage to snag 3 choosy mothers.
Thanks for doing that thing that makes me feel like an idiot.
~Me to me
Thank you for saying, “I’m just being honest” after that horrible thing you just said. I feel better now that I know you meant it.
Sitting down and tilting your head to the side will increase your chances of food intake by 82%.
– Dog Logic
Making NSA work hard today: just left vm for Senator saying, “drop-off done” & then made a hair appointment at a salon in Lahore, Pakistan.
“Where do you see yourself in 5 lives?” (Dalai Lama job interview)
the next time u see a fork in the road, just try to remeber that at least, no mater wat u did, u werent the person who tried to eat the road