Taking a screenshot on windows: *gently press screenshot button*
Taking a screenshot on Mac:
Command + shift + 3 + Steve Jobs’ birthday + 3.14159 + a drop of human blood
If my husband doesn’t like my cooking, he can buy his meth somewhere else.
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The lost art of being “wishy washy.”
My best friend just ask me to be her maid of honor. What did I ever do to her???
Keanu Reeves watching a Keanu Reeves movie trying to figure out how he’s in two places at once.
Winning an argument with a woman is like getting 1st prize in a “who wants to sleep on the couch” contest.
Note to self:
Do NOT try shopping for a pearl necklace online. Ever. Again.
Maybe I did use cilantro because I knew you hate it, but good luck proving that.
Them: But, if you’re both dudes, who’s “the lady” in your relationship?
Me: Janet Jackson. Always.