Q: What’s the safest place to be during a North Korean missile strike?
A: The place they are aiming at.
If my kids made a Lego Movie song
Everything Is Stickyy
Anywhere Is Cool For Wiping Your Hands
Everything Is Stickyyy
And Mommy Will Scream
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Pro: My 3yo knows a little bit of Spanish.
Con: It’s the lyrics from Despacito.
I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him
GOD, I hope he calls me.
Programming Skills: PRIMARILY RUBY AND PYTHON BUT I CAN USE ANY TYPE OF GEM TO CONTROL ANY TYPE OF SNAKE
Have you ever looked at someone’s phone’s selfie wallpaper and look at the owner and look again at their selfie and back again to the owner?
Is life fair? Short answer: No. Long answer: Noooooooooooooooooooo.
daughter: dad I can count to 100 want to hear?
daughter: ok *deep breath* I’m going to do it in my head. I’ll let you know when I’m done
Her: I think my IUD came loose and is floating around in there
Me: C’mere, I drop my guitar pick in the sound hole all the time, no problem
I passed my genetic engineering exam with flying koalas.
Me: *opens door* Yes?
Him: Hi. Can I have a minute of your time to talk to you about The Lord?
Me: ..Of The Rings?
Him: Uh No..