Brad Pitt might be “better looking” than me, but I am considerably fatter.
If my mom had just faked having a headache I wouldn’t be writing this bullshit on the internet right now
You Might Also Like
I went to school with a girl named
We tried calling her Pam …
but it didn’t stick.
Our super’s response to a text about mice in the apartment, amazing
A new hipster coffee shop in my hood doesn’t have wifi b/c it wants to encourage talking…presumably about the failure of this coffee shop.
Me: What’s your favorite color?
Him: That depends. What is the color of your eyes?
Me: Awww. You are so sweet. Green.
Him: I love blue.
They put rubber bands on lobster claws to prevent them from being on their phones all day.
my uber driver watching me wander around the street aimlessly because i have no idea what a toyota crayola is
Well played, Sky Comedy. Well played.
Lame! I was tricked into watching PS, I Love You! It’s definitely NOT about a guy that marries his PlayStation.
God made humans, but only because there wasn’t anything good to watch on TV.