Wine and cheese pair well together bc they are both the expired byproducts of other foods enjoy your trash snack rich people
If my wife ever hired a private detective to follow me, it would be to get pictures of me not using the coupons I said I used.
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How to spot a meth lab.
A bridesmaid, but it’s just someone to hold the bottom half of my CVS receipt.
Why is it then when things are going well we say everything is “peachy”? What elevated the peach above all other fruits to define itself as all that is good? What did it do to deserve such an accolade?
I see you peach, and I’m watching
I like to take an empty Krispy Kreme donut box to work and sit in the break room and watch all of the disappointed faces
Whaaa? You taste brides? RT MatrooKiBijlee: Bridal tasting was a success! The only thing I regret is not taking pictures. But still….”
My dad is a superhero. But without a costume because costumes are expensive and do you think he’s made of money?
As I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death, I remind myself that you can’t always trust Google Maps.
There’s literally no way to know how many chameleons are in your house
I bet she has a tough time finding a coffee mug with her name on it.