@HollyMemphis

If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it than how bad of a decision can it really be?

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@pittdave13

Gordon Ramsay as an art judge:

*Throwing crayons
This “drawing” isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on

Babies crying everywhere

@susafrican420

white ppl: omg lakeisha is such a ghetto name
white ppl: here comes my child daffodil ginseng blueberry yogurt

@BruceForce

Just saw a horse drawn cart. Wasn’t a very good cart. Horses are terrible artists.

@PortRooster

Not entirely sure what a “propriate” is, but apparently I’m in it…

@steveolivas

Starbucks this morning looks like a scene from “The Walking Dead.”

@pleatedjeans

Wine and cheese pair well together bc they are both the expired byproducts of other foods enjoy your trash snack rich people

@QwertyJones3

MY DAD: Foreigners in this country need to learn English.

ALSO MY DAD: I heard you got a new hi-bird car.

@MomOnFire

No one helped Cinderella when she hallucinated and talked to rats, cause people are garbage smh

@thefurlinator

“I’ll see you in hell” should be followed with “and I won’t even stop to say hi”. Otherwise you’re just making plans with someone you hate

@theSolemnBard

[history times]
THE EARL OF SANDWICH: By putting the meat and cheese between two pieces of bread, one can keep one’s hands neat for playing cards

HIS COUSIN, THE DUKE OF HAT-WITH-TWO-CUPHOLDERS-AND-CRAZY-STRAWS: I also have an invention