HISTORIAN: im a historian
ME: ah… so… wats ur favorite… uh… year
HISTORIAN: oh, 1901
ME: ah yes… the year they discobvered the… 19th century
If people knew just how many fake arguments I win when I’m in the car by myself, they would think twice before ever picking a fight with me.
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Nannying is like a stay at home mom internship
There are rumours floating around that Canada’s Prime Minister isn’t a nice guy.
They’re not Trudeau.
kids: can we have a popsicle?
me: *eating a popsicle* no it’s 8am
*Fingers plan their revenge*
“If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my Sven.” -Kristoff
Hi everyone, welcome to ventriloquist club! The first rule here is do not talk about ventriloquist club…with your lips moving.
Haha, just a little joke to get us started.
Obviously the first rule is don’t fall in love with your puppet.
If what people thought of you, what you thought of yourself and who you really are ever met, the three of you wouldn’t recognize each other.
The Shawshank Redemption but it’s just me tunneling from my office to the break room so I don’t have to talk to my boss.
My neighbor said “nice skirt” so I said, “thanks, it helps me not blast Miley Cyrus at 6 in the morning, you should borrow it sometime.”