If plastic bags could be used as currency, my mom would be on a Forbes list.

You Might Also Like


Me: *giggling* no, I love you more.

Him: who are you and how did you get inside my house?


My Twitter clique is basically five or six people who have mistaken me for someone else.


What kind of educational background do you need to have to work at the gas station that directs teens to their deaths in a horror movie?


Love means never having to say you’re sorry for accidentally bringing home six more cats.


Police: “You were going fast.” Me: “I was trying to keep up with traffic.” Police: “There isn’t any.” Me: “That’s how far behind I am!”


Hunger Games Synopsis
Katniss: I’m in over my head, the govt wants me dead, I’m scared
Both Male Leads: Ok but do you LIKE like me


Justin Beiber has 23 million followers and I just got unfollowed by a horse magazine.


There’s no use crying over spilt milk. Particularly skimmed milk. Skimmed milk is watery enough without you sobbing into it.