@OhNoSheTwitnt

If Pokémon has taught me anything it’s that if I see a cute animal I should force my cat to fight it until it’s weak enough to enslave.

If Pokémon has taught me anything it’s that if I see a cute animal I should force my cat to fight it until it’s weak enough to enslave.

- @OhNoSheTwitnt

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A guy was honking at a car ahead of him to speed up at 6AM so I followed him bc his job must be amazing if he’s that excited to get to work.

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Judging by this line at Costco it doesn’t look like I’ll ever see my family again.

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7: Do you have cheese?

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Me: yes

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@NoogsCorner

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@LRenceFivvens

Me: [eating apple & staring out window] It really works.

*roving gang of doctors walk past house*

*feral teacher crashes through window*

@NazaakatWali

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@NotthatAdamWest

“Bless your heart” is southern for “I’m pretty sure you were dropped on your head as a child.”

@walks_on_legs

What is this special type of waffle called a “Tennis racket” and why does it taste like metal wires?