If Pringles really wanted the fun to never stop they’d make those tube things like 5 feet long.

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My cat that died 3 years ago got a letter saying she needs to register if she wants to vote, showing how well Florida handles elections.


My husband says none of my metaphors make any sense. He is just an empty canoe in the snow.


It’s been five minutes since Adobe asked me to install an update. I hope they didn’t go out of business or something.


Gary born

Gary child

Gary teenager

Gary middle-aged

Gary Oldman


I have two dogs. One named Rolex and one named Timex.

They’re watchdogs.


My stalker sucks. She needs to try harder. I always have to keep going & finding her. It’s like I’m following HER around. It’s ridiculous.


If I had a million dollars for every time I looked at the negative side of things, I’d have way too many god damn taxes to pay.


My car is 13 years old.

I like how the ceiling fabric hangs down and makes it feel like a blanket fort.


Tapeworms. A nice way to lose weight without exercising, and also have a friend