@WilliamRodgers

If Reincarnation ends up being real…

Those People who got “YOLO” tattoos are going to look… Pretty Silly

You Might Also Like

@truegritrumble

ME: I hate when I look in the mirror and I don’t like the person looking back.

THERAPIST: That’s a window. You’re staring at our gardner, Gary.

@mommajessiec

7yo: Who’s older: you or dad?

Me: Dad.

7: Then how come you look older?

Me: Santa’s not real.

@Coolisiana

(Date)
ME: Watch this *ties cherry stem with tongue*
HER: *giggles*
1-UP WALLY: *places Rubik’s cube in mouth and pulls it out solved*

@CruisinSoozan

I’ll never have the opportunity to Say Yes to the Dress, but I’ll Say Yes to the Cookie like, three times a day. Minimum.

@MUMSIEesq

SECURITY GUARD: You can’t bring open containers of alcohol in here.

ME: This is a service beer.

@rockymomax

[kissing at a bar]
HER: wanna get out of here?
ME: (glances over at the menu and sees they have potato skins) not really

@Dutch_50

I planted a whole garden full of bird seed this year and not one bird came up. I quit.

@DanMentos

[last supper]
drunk jesus: *swinging baguette wildly* You want a piece of me!?