Closing time, son
You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here
“But I live here Dad”
*Dad stares at me*
Don’t forget your Xbox
If Scooby-Doo taught me anything, it’s that if you want to kill someone, do it in a retirement community, where pets aren’t allowed.
You Might Also Like
My wife’s yoga class is really relaxing…
‘Cuz she’s usually gone for at least two hours.
My daughter has recently become deathly afraid of our cat. So I’m going to have to get rid of her. At least I’ll have my cat to comfort me.
My sister on holiday with the kids, they had a few cute ‘towel animals’ left on the bed during the week but just came back to this
It’s 6am somewhere!
~Toddlers waking up at 4am.
“shh its working”
ＡＦＴＥＲ… ＴＨＩＳ… ＡＤ…
“dude why didnt u pay for this ouija board??!”
My mom at 25: Married, one kid
Me at 25: Wakes up holding a chicken tender after a night of drinking
I always sleep naked. I don’t care if it makes people uncomfortable, they can just switch buses.
Emotions don’t scare me. People who manage to hide theirs completely, do.