My favorite horror movie
If Shakespeare were alive today, he’d write a tragedy about the fate of the single French fry that comes with every order of onion rings.
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*sees a bug in my apartment*
me: *yells at the spiderweb in the corner*
WHAT THE SHIT, FRANK?! WE HAD A DEAL
Hell hath no fury like me when I’m ranting and someone interrupts me with rationale.
If you go by “there are plenty more fish in the sea” you’ll never find love cause let’s start with the fact that you think you can date fish
I’ve got 66 problems and being upside-down is one.
*summoning demonic forces to overthrow the zoo employees*
I may be paranoid, but it feels like the world is out to get me.
*trips over globe and breaks both legs*
*CAN’T OPEN THE PICKLE JAR*
SHERLOCK: (suspiciously) Moriarty…
I really don’t mind having gray hair. But why do they have to grow all wild?! Like just be calm like the rest of my hair
College graduates look awfully happy for people who’ll never have an entire summer off again.