@longwall26: The Lord alone--not science--will determine how many chickens can fit inside my motorcycle sidecar.

@MaybeNik: me training someone at my job: “You’re not supposed to do this, but this is how I do it”

@Terdoh: I had a dream where children were allowed to pick their parents, and I woke up thinking "This is not The Gates' residence."

@BartenderMB: My girlfriend said that sex is better on vacation. That wasn't the postcard I was expecting.

@Miniwheats2012: Me: Wake up son! Son: Just 30 more minutes please Me: I'm borrowing your phone Son jumps of the bed: I'm awake!