If Snow White can trick 7 men into supporting her, then I’m sure I can find at least one sucker to do that for me.
If she didn’t reply to any of your 20 texts, she probably doesn’t have good cell service. Definitely don’t stop texting her
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My ear is bleeding because I tried to shave it. Now I have to create some elaborate lie to tell ppl how I cut my ear.
*Sees someone tying a yellow ribbon around a tree*
Me: Oh dang, Groot knows karate
If you watch someone kissing in public for too long you become what’s weird about it.
I wonder what my dog named me.
You know the meeting has gone completely downhill when someone suggests sacrificing a chicken.
In order to catch a cab, one must think like a cab first.
“Where does your fear of spiders come from?”
*flashback to Spider-Man trying to kiss me behind Applebees*
They’re just creepy okay
Just drank two 5-Hour Energy shots. Will I get 10 hours of energy? And why is that rainbow giggling at me? AndAHH MY SKIN IS ON INSIDE-OUT!
A lawyer walks into a bar. A lawyer leaves the bar. A lawyer walks into the bar. A lawyer fails the bar because he was drunk.