the small child points to my head and chants, i want a balloon, i want a balloon, but changes her tune when i let my head float free
If someone asks if I have time to talk about Jesus I tell them yes but they have to give me an equal amount of time to talk about Ducktales.
You Might Also Like
*peels off yoga pants to reveal even yogier pants*
Rat warning in Hong Kong is the best rat warning of all time.
[invention of burgers]
visionary: what if we grated a cow?
assistant: and molded it into wheels? sir that’s genius
Demi Lovato is my favorite singer that is half human, half Lovato
the crows and the ducks are having a turf war in my backyard it’s like the squawkiest version of west side story ever
A smile in Canada is called a smilometre.
You’ll sleep when you’re dead?…that’s adorable. Well, I’ll lose weight when I’m dead, so pass the doughnuts.
Top 3 times you should never play with a woman’s hair:
1) When she’s angry.
2) Just had a haircut.
3) If you don’t know her.
I wanted to kill myself by drinking 100 beers, but when I finished my second one, I felt much better.