@KaylaChowShow

If someone calls you fat, eat them.

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@Leslie_Annie

Irony. The opposite of wrinkly.

Thank you. I’ll be here all night.

@Audenary

GOD: Go forth, my tiny friends!

ANTS: Hooray!

ANGEL: Ok next creation … The anteater.

ANTS: The what now?

@FredTaming

temp agency: we only have positions for nights available right now

a dragon: i see

@ThatDamnFireman

My current body type is you can sorta tell I work out, but you can also tell that I don’t turn down cake.

@MUMSIEesq

*runs into coworker at store*
*pretends I don’t speak English*

@peanusts

elon musk is what happens when the ghost of a 14 y/o who died in 2011 and the ghost of a 19th century oil baron try to possess the same body

@batkaren

Ghostbusters (1984): A large, jovial marshmallow sailor is burned alive amid the crossfire btwn humans and ethereal beings.

@ScottLinnen

We have a ghost. Came home and found the fridge magnets rearranged: “I see dreadful people.”